Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ho Ho Hum

'Tis the season to be depressed.

I started watching "It's a Wonderful Life" the other day. I gave up when I started to realize that very few people's prosperity or happiness in my Bedford Falls depended even remotely on me.

As the gay only son of an only son I don't have family. Nada. Zip. Earlier this year Kyle and I got married. I deluded myself into thinking that would give me a family. In-laws. You know. Visions of a family Christmas were dancing in my head.

I suppose the fact that last year Kyle went to Georgia without me should have been a hint. You see, Kyle does have family. The issue of having family is completely different for him.

So when I make any attempt to make his family mine it falls on deaf ears. When people ask me, "Does being married make a differene?" I thought, yes. Now I think, not so much. I was talking to Kyle's sister-in-law and mentioned the wedding. She asked if Kyle's parents knew, because they hadn't told her. They knew.

Not one of Kyle's friends asked about the wedding.

This isn't so much about a personal disappointment, although that is a reality, it's about the cultural discomfort in even the most accepting people. It's about our own discomfort about it.

So I continue to pray for the generation when this will not be an issue.

Feeling like an orphan even when I have a family by marriage is n0t unique, but it is definitely enhanced by the fact that I am gay.

So, ho-ho-ho ya'll... and don't bitch about your family.

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