An Open Letter to St. David's Church, Lakeland FL

I wish I could come home... I was raised in the Episcopal tradition at St. David's. The huge controversy in my time was the departure of Father Barrus (low church, down-to-earth") and the arrival of Father Fleming (Anglo-Catholic, "Lord.is that a CRUCIFIX?).

(see the picture I uploaded to the Facebook page...)

Father Fleming's first confirmation class was mine. I still have the crucifix. I still genuflect. I cross myself at every opportunity.

We were the Perfect family, Dorothy, George and Neil. My father was a pillar of the church. My mother was the good woman behind that man. I was adopted, but our family was by all appearances as "Leave it to Beaver" as any.

There was a secret there that no one but my parents knew. I hadn't a clue. Until after my father died in 1969 and I came out to my mother I did I begin to find out...

Three months before he died, my father, who suspected that I was gay, took advantage of my mother being out of town to "show what sex with a woman felt like."

Between that time and the time he died we may have exchanged 5 words. 4 months after he died I graduated from high school.

I knew that I was gay from the moment that I was aware of any sexuality. I had a crush on another boy at St. David's. I rushed home to see if Clint Walker would take his shirt off on the 4 PM reruns of "Cheyenne." My father didn't make me gay. Of course the experience took its toll, but I am glad to say that I am a pretty well adjusted gay man.

I have served in various positions of leadership in the Episcopal Church and am very sure that God brought me to the Diocese of Rochester. On February 22, 2008 my husband and I were joined in marriage in Toronto. My Bishop and his wife were our witnesses. The thought that anyone could believe that they did anything but express their complete unconditional love for Kyle and me is beyond me.

So why would I like to come home to St. David's? Why would I show my face in Central Florida?

I would come home to tell my story to my home parish.

My father lived a lie and it must have been horrible. I know he loved my mother. I know he gave me a wonderful home. But I also know that he was never able to live fully as the person that God created. It made his expressions of physical love twisted and dirty. It made him a confused and self-loathing man... and he was not a bad person.

I know from the coming out experience that I was not his only "homosexual" experience. His mother warned my mother on the night before they were married that she was marrying a "sissy boy." She told her he had been arrested for Sodomy. She told her that he was the colonel's "special boy" in Panama....

I would love to come home to tell my story.

Do I know that God loves me?

Sometimes I wonder when I see the way Gene Robinson has been treated. I wonder when I see Fred Phelps and GodHatesFags.com.

I wonder when I see people like Bishop Duncan and Bishop Iker that are willing to tear a church apart over the inclusion of gay people...

But don't we all wonder when we see bad things happening if God loves us? If God loves anyone?

I believe I am called to be a model of openly gay leadership in my Diocese and in the national church. I am a deputy to General Convention. I was the President of the Standiing Committee. I am a Vice President of Integrity.

Have I made the right choices? I think so. But there will ultimately be only one Judge of that.

I don'tknow if it is an original line, but Bishop Gayle Harris said, in a homily at our Diocesan Convention, "The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty."

There are far to many people in the Anglican Communion who are certain that they know the mind of God.

Can I come home again?

Would the people of St. David's, now in the Diocese of Central Florida welcome me?

Did Jesus tell a story about that? I think he did. I know he didn't say anything about being gay.

May God continue to bless St. David's, the place of my birth into the Episcopal Church.

Neil Houghton